Thought Bandits

How many of you have had that million dollar idea and before you can make it a reality someone else does it. I hate to be the one to tell you, but it is not coincidence. I was just at a conference in Washington D.C. for the intellectually advanced populous, and we were shocked at what was revealed. We were warned to stop having good ideas, because the government has the ability to monitor your thoughts and then sells the good ideas to high bidders... like homes, some of these ideas are suddenly being foreclosed on. I am working on a new site that will allow you to purchase some of these stolen ideas through foreclosures or a short sale. Stay posted for this new opportunity!
As for today and your journey towards personal growth. Before you think about any good ideas, remember there are thought bandits out there and they will steal those good ideas and sell them to other people. Another product I am working on is an authentic thinking cap which promotes good ideas and then has a security transistor so your thoughts can't be monitored.
Be curious, jump far, and wash your feet after a long walk...

Out on payroll for good behavior....

It's amazing how quickly life can change. As most of you know, I was in the middle of transforming all of your lives with my 10 program and many of you were having remarkable results. Then we got to Day 8. Well, a couple of fire crackers, a pinkie, a few comments and 110 days in jail later and here we are.
I know you've heard it a million times before and I am sorry for beating the drum with a melon, but sometimes a cliche says it all. "When you sit on both of your hands and pick a fight, its hard to defend your face." Its also hard to defend your face (or your feelings) when you have pepper spray in your eyes (or people are calling you names). I am not ashamed for what I did, or what I've been through, mainly because I have heard a lot of your stories and you people are pathetic. But I am here to tell you there is hope. Just as I was released for good behavior, you too can be released from your state of idiocrity.
We are about to go on a journey and I need you to think... not about the journey itself, but what fruit you are going to bring with you on the journey.
Here is a hint- I don't mean fruit literally... figure out what I mean by fruit, and then you will realize what I mean by journey. It's not the journey your thinking about either.

Day 8

...Wow. Apparently, the whole firecracker thing didn't go over well with the local authorities. As you might have noticed, it has been quite some time since my last post. I have been contained against my will (by authorities, get your minds out of the gutter) because of the accident y son had on the fourth of July. Since I admitted in my blog that I was trying to teach him a lesson, there is some negligence among other things I got in trouble for. I am thankful for the fortunes I have been able to accumulate, because I was able to get the very best attorneys and they were able to get me off on some technicalities. While being contained, I tried to tell them I needed access to my blog because I had a lot of students participating in a 10 day program and they would all be stuck... they didn't seem to care.
I will keep this one much shorter than it is suppose to be, because I have a lot of stuff I am behind on.
Today, I want you to figure out what Day 9 is and do it. Tomorrow we will finish day 8, but it is essential you apply your learned habits and connect the dots of Day 9.
Good luck,

Its good to be free!

Day 7

Some of you have been irritated that it has been a few days since I posted last. There are a couple of reasons. First of all, you need to realize how far we have come. Just like the Lord rested on the 7th day, we too must rest. We are now on day 7 of a 10 day transformation and you need to think about the progress that has been made. Your Day 7 exercise may vary depending on your current situation. If you have a child under the age of 10 years old you will do the following (if you are married make sure your wife/husband participates): Wait until your child goes to sleep, make a batch of fake blood (feel free to have this pre-made), (one good recipe is ketchup, water, little bit of mayo, crushed peeled tomatoes (this helps with the effect), and Worchester sauce) put it all over your neck, face, back and other ideal stab areas (make sure your wife/husband does the same). Then leave the knife covered and also on the floor. Have the front door wide open and have a tall friend standing on the porch with a hood on a few feet outside. Then lay down on the kitchen floor arms and legs in non-normal positions and scream! Keep screaming until you hear your child coming, and then go silent. Lie there and play dead. Watch with your eyes squinting how your child reacts. Once he/she starts to cry, have your friend outside stomp the ground, bringing the attention to him. Then have him lower his upper body and charge your child. Your child will probably be so scared they won’t move. Have him run up to them and grab them under the arms and throw him in the air. Then everybody yell, “Surprise!” Get up and start telling him/her how you acted the whole thing out. This is a very powerful exercise because it will show you how much you’re needed. It’s kind of similar to the Scrooge and being visited by the ghost of Christmas future. You will see how your child would act if you got stabbed. You will feel very important and be assured you do have a purpose. If you don’t have kids, try this on a senior citizen (they are usually just as gullible). If you don’t have access to one, go volunteer at a retirement home and wait until they go into the bathroom (make sure you have cleaning materials in case one of them has a heart attack.. Good Luck you three days to goers.

Day 6

Face it, we live in a material world and I am a material man. I am not here to brag about my 19 rollies (hip term multiple Rolexes. Collector’s throw this term around all the time.) or my 12 brits (again, hip term for brietlings). I have a genuine passion for the finer things in life, therefore I tend to treat myself to a few things. This always seems to be a point of conflict with people. They say, a life coach shouldn’t preach about materialistic things, you should be about empowering yourself and helping others. I always use the following example to get my point across; If I take a homeless man to a pie factory and I only have enough money for three pies. How much should I give him? The responses I get tend to be anywhere from “why are you taking him to a pie factory? Why not a grocery store or a somewhere he can get a good meal?”( these people have completely missed the point of the story) Others say, “You should give him all of the pies or two of the pies.” (These people are probably on their way to being homeless as we speak. They would prefer to give everything they own away.) The correct answer is that you give the homeless guy whatever is left when you’re done eating. If I am able to eat two and a half pies, then he is only going to get a half a pie. Usually I can eat all three, so he gets to watch. It is important to never offer him a bite until I am so full, and so sick that I don’t even want to look at another piece of pie. This does a couple of things. First, it shows the homeless guy (bum), that if he were working and doing things for himself, he could afford three pies (this exercise doesn’t work as well if you take the bum to the grocery store and buy carrots, they don’t care if you don’t share). Second of all it rewards you for earning the money you made. Your mind takes a subconscious note (also known as a Hindu Bean), telling itself that if you work hard, you will enjoy the rewards. Hindu Beans are what make the top performers in life perform. Thirdly, if you are full and sick, you won’t resent the bum for eating your food when you give it to him. You can actually be happy for him and you feel good about yourself. Today, I want you to take a bum to a pie factory and order three pies. Whatever you CAN’T finish, he gets. You will feel better about giving, plus you will have already enjoyed some pie for yourself. So even if you don’t enjoy giving, you’ll still be happy, because you ate pie. You need to learn to treat yourself first. This philosophy is why I have become such a great life coach and so successful in business.

4th of July Pinkie Promise

It makes me laugh how dumb kids can be. You can show them how to do something, and they think they can do it immediately without further instructions. I showed my kids how to light a firecracker, while in your hand, and then to hurry and throw it. Instantly my six year old thought he could do it and wanted to try. I told him 'No! It is very dangerous and you need to watch daddy do it a couple more times before you can try." He started to cry and insisted he already knew how to do it. I thought it would be a good opportunity to teach him a very valuable lesson in life. So I give him a hand full of fire crackers. He grabbed the first one, lit it, and it exploded in his hand. He started crying, but he was lucky he had his hand open, so it didn’t hurt as bad as it could have. I did a couple more in front of him, bragging about how cool it was, so naturally he wanted to try again. I told him that it was very dangerous, but he again insisted. Well, this time his hand wasn’t opened when the fire cracker exploded in his hand and it blew his pinkie off. We had to take him to the hospital and the doctors couldn’t do anything about the finger. To prove that I was right and to make sure he understands I keep trying to pinkie promise on everything I say. It makes him feel bad, but it will be a lesson that will stay with him for the rest of his life.

Day 5

As all of you know Da Baicai can be cooked in many different ways. In fact, 20 years ago a Chinese housewife needed to learn how to vary the evening meal by using the “big cabbage” in different dishes. I haven’t been able to find one housewife that knows more than four ways to cook Da Baicai (which blows my mind), it amazes me how quickly we lose essential skills. If it only takes 20 years to lose touch with something like this, think about all of the other things you have lost along your way. Day 5 is all about re-learning things you have forgotten. I call it the Da Baicai somersault. I call it that because in order to do a somersault you have to move your feet over the head. It can be done forwards, backwards, or sideways. I don’t care how you do it, just do it (forefrontal view). Today, I want you to do everything you do backwards, sideways, or forward…if you usually do it backwards or sidewards. For instance, when you make your peanut butter and jelly sandwich today, try putting the peanut butter and the jelly on the outside of your sandwich. Chew, swallow and then bite. Then put your hands in your pockets and then wipe them off…see how differently you can do things. In case you’re not following, I will give you another example; Get dressed and ready to go out, then lie in the bathtub and turn on the water. Scrub your body (over the clothes) with soap, then take them off and drain the water. Then dry your hair, and now apply shampoo. I think you’re starting to get the hang of it. How backwards can you be today? You will find it will open your eyes and allow you to see the world a little bit different. Hello! (Get it…)